Pressing the Reset Button

handNow and again, there comes a time when we just need to take a breather and hit the reset button on life. Frustrations mount, stresses build, and complications twist everything into a knotted, tangled mess. You can’t always walk away from your stressors – usually you can’t – but you can take a step back. You can take a moment to yourself and reenter the situation with a fresh perspective.

This month, that’s exactly what I’m doing: Resetting.

Resetting My Body – Starting AIP

For those who have been following the blog for awhile, you know that I’ve had trouble with chronic fatigue for about a year and a half now. For months at a time, I would need 10 to 14 hours of sleep every day. Even awake, I wandered through life in a fog, exhausted and unmotivated. Two things entirely contrary to the life of a grad student!

carbsWhen my doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong, I decided to take my health into my own hands. I started researching my symptoms and found the autoimmune protocol paleo diet. No grains, no legumes, no dairy, no nightshades, and no starches. Yikes! As someone who has spent most of the past 10 years as vegan or vegetarian, it was pretty scary to think about eating animal flesh at every meal. However, all of my symptoms kept pointing to the AIP as a way to reset my digestive system and stop the extreme autoimmune reactions causing my fatigue and inflaming my joints.

This past weekend, I celebrated my birthday with all my favorite foods! Ice cream, cupcakes, pasta, chocolate… 28 never tasted so good. September first marked day one of my 30-day AIP reset. I’ll be updating SuddenSight with my posts about the experience, so keep checking back for updates!

Resetting My Mind – Taking a Step Back

The fatigue, as well as numerous setbacks with my eyesight since January, made finishing my master’s degree this summer, well, difficult. I did manage to turn in everything and have my paper accepted (hooray!) Still, moving forward I decided I needed to recognize my physical limitations.

Even on my good eye days I read at half the speed that others in my program read. When I’m sleeping 10 hours a night, it becomes virtually impossible to keep up with the 60 to 70 hour work week required to keep up with three graduate classes and teach a class. So I took a step back and slowed things down for a bit to let my body catch up.

I’m only taking two classes this fall, and I’m pushing myself to make more time for yoga classes and cooking – my favorite relaxing hobbies.

Resetting My Blog!

ice creamTaking all of this into account, I’ve also decided to shift the focus of this blog a bit. I don’t want to spoil too much, but this fall SuddenSight will be relaunching with an all-new look! Get ready for more health and lifestyle posts, a recipe section, and guest bloggers featured each month.

Stay tuned for more news!

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A Good Day

teachingpicSo often when you have a chronic disorder, especially a painful or debilitating one, it can be difficult to talk about the good days. That seems counterintuitive, right? Shouldn’t we want to talk about the good days more than the bad?

Of course we do! Thinking of the good days is what gets us through the bad ones. And yet, so many times when I’m writing on this blog, posting on Facebook, sharing on Twitter – I find myself posting far more frequently when I’m frustrated or hurting. Certainly those are times when I need support – of course! And I have to admit that posting when I need support has made a tremendous difference in my recovery time and overall attitude. Yet I also find that posting when I’m happy – on the good days – is just as important!

So here today, just for all of you, I am posting my sheer happiness in waking up this morning on a gray winter day in Atlanta, when the silver lining seemed so shiny and bright…

Mornings

Mornings have never been particularly easy for me. As a kid, I had insomnia, and waking up during high school often meant three different alarm clocks that invariably were destroyed or slept through. But for the past nearly seven years, mornings have been near impossible.

If you haven’t yet read about Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory, it’s the idea that everyone wakes up each day with a certain number of spoons with which to allot varying daily tasks. Take a shower? Spoon. Go to work? Three spoons. And so forth. But we don’t all get the same number of spoons. And for some of us, a shower can cost a helluva lot more than a single spoon.

Mornings for the past seven years – since my SJS episode – have been like waking up with more than a few of those spoons shoved into my eyes. I’ve undergone around 15-16 eye surgeries, some here in Atlanta and others with a fantastic SJS specialist in Miami, Dr. Tseng.

It was my first surgery with Dr. Tseng in 2011 that prompted me to start this blog. He was giving me sight back in my right eye. While compications with my rheumatoid arthritis (RA) did not allow that sight to last, his surgeries did give me something else. Through resurfacing the eyelid, he removed the constant pain from my right eye. And last week, he did the same with my left.

Surgeries are never fun. I currently have a “contour bandage lens” in my left eye to keep the stitches from scratching my cornea, and I’m on several different medications for after-surgery pain and inflammation. But when I woke up this morning, something miraculous happened…

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Words really cannot describe how incredible it was this morning to open my eyes and simply see. No pain, no fear, no fatigue from the fear of pain. Just sunlight creeping into my room, wishing me a happy morning…

And a very good morning to all of you, dear readers! Keep your warm memories snuggled near to you this winter, and the happy sunshine under your wings!

Day 2 – Health Activist Writers Month Challenge

Day 2 (April 2) – Introductions
 Introduce your condition(s) to other Health Activists. What are 5 things you want them to know about your condition/your activism?
 Share links to 3-5 of your old posts (or posts from other Health Activists!) that you think will help
the newly diagnosed.

 

5 Things You Need to Understand About RA

 

1) It’s not just for old people.

After “coming out” about having RA, there have been a rather significant number of young adults in my life who have come out about their own autoimmune disorders. Just a few months ago in the grocery store I heard two women strike up a conversation over organic eggs. As it turned out, they’d both been recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and were changing their diets to help counteract the effects. And when I go in for my Remicade infusions every two months, I see people of all ages in those Laz-E-Boys!

2) It is just for old people.

While autoimmune patients seem to be getting younger and younger (I was diagnosed at age 2), the effects of RA in particular can age you very quickly. I make jokes about being a young person in an old body because RA can make you feel like you’re 80! Rheumatoid arthritis hurts. Your joints can swell up and burn and feel like they’ll never work again. On your bad days, getting out of bed can seem an impossible task–no matter how badly you need to use the bathroom. Lifting a glass of water might even seem a feat for only Superman! This is when you realize how important it is to have young whippersnappers around who love you. 😉

3) It may wizen you, but it also wisens you.

I also joke sometimes that I am an old woman living in a young body. My feet might not have traversed this world for very long, but the experiences I’ve had are significant. I understand better than most how to treasure a walk in the park, how to love my body for exactly what it is, and how to relish in each moment of another day lived to its fullest. Bad days can be frustrating, but good days are so much sweeter in comparison. Because I’ve lived beyond “old age,” I appreciate being young more. And I respect my elders much more.

4) Doctors don’t always know best.

In today’s society, we seem to view doctors as demi-gods. Their opinions are like laws. I, too, used to see them that way. And then a young doctor’s attempt to aggressively treat my RA nearly cost me my life and my sight. When my eyesight began to fail, the wonderful corneal specialist I was seeing actually referred me to a better doctor! This happened not once, but twice. I now see the world’s foremost eye surgeon for patients recovering from Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. Yet even then, he couldn’t figure how to keep my RA from interfering with his surgeries. So when my second rheumatologist wasn’t offering the help I needed (and not seeming to care whether I came in at all), I did some research and found a new one. My current rheumatologist has brought me back to normal! The lesson being: if you aren’t happy or aren’t seeing results, get a 2nd opinion. Get a 3rd, 4th, or 5th! Find someone who has read that obscure article relating perfectly to your case so he, too, can bring you back to normal.

And never, EVER, be afraid to ask questions. While doctors might not be able to prescribe certain things, their knowledge of other patients’ experiences can also prove helpful. For example, when the Remicade didn’t seem to be working all the time, I asked my doctor about dietary changes that could help. Going gluten-free after hearing her stories has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

5) You make your own “normal.”

During my flare-up of RA five years ago, I wondered how long it would be until I was “normal” again. I wanted any quick fix that would erase the pain, the weakness, and the frustration of it all. Instead, I got Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, which took me out of the “normal” world for a year, made life painful and difficult (and EXPENSIVE) for going on five years now, and permanently disfigured my eyes. Through it all, I held onto this subconscious hope that one day it would all be fixed. One day I would wake up, look in the mirror, and be “normal” again. I would have my skin back, my eyes back, my youth back. Then one day I realized that the old me was never going to return. My eyes will always look funny. I will always be on some kind of medication or special diet. I will always have to see doctors of one kind or another. And I will always have the immense strength and wisdom that have brought me to today.

So I will always be different. I will always look different. But I no longer wake up in pain. I can exercise without worrying that I will throw out my knees or cause another flare-up (at least, for now). So instead of being “fixed,” I woke up one morning and embraced this new me, this new “normal.” I highly recommend it for you, too. We might not feel normal, but this is who we are. And we can be this kind of normal together.

 

Check out these links to some past posts that really helped me through the worst days:

Let Them Eat Cake

Connections

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Finding Normal

Fearing Hope, Needing Hope